(Ye who enter be warned, for there be spoilers ahead.)
Real Grade EVA-01
The Thing (1982)
Ah, The Thing. You know The Thing? You know, The Thing? A classic.
Anyway, I’m kicking this off with a classic movie. I’ve chosen the Real Grade EVA-01 as my first (only?) kit. Here’s what it looks like at the beginning of the movie. Basically a sad little bit of chest part.
The Thing opens on a couple Norwegians in a helicopter hunting down a sled dog in Antarctica. The dog runs to an American research station; the Americans defend it from the Norwegians. Wondering what was UP with those wacky Norwegians, some of the team take to the air to track them down.
The Thing has some strong points in its favour. It’s short and focused; the soundtrack is AMAZING; there are so many little details and questions left unanswered to haunt the viewer. It’s noteworthy for it’s open ending: the last two survivors, both wary of each other, now exposed to the elements as their station burns down. Are they both human? Is one the thing? Are they both the thing?
Unfortunately, The Thing shows its age. The story beats are weaker, the special effects aren’t comparable to what a modern audience is accustomed to and good grief, talk about a sausagefest.
But did it scare me?
Nope. Some of the parts with the dead alien mid-transformation were solidly gory and thrilling, but definitely dated. Wasn’t too dedicated to which character was dead/secretly an alien because I… didn’t actually care about any of them. However, if I was eleven or twelve in 1982 and saw it, I’d probably be pretty creeped out.
American Psycho (2000)
My infinitely more intelligent friend told me she read the book.
My infinitely intelligent friend told me it was the most insufferable and joyless pieces of media she’s ever encountered.
My infinitely more intelligent friend told me not to bother.
My dumbass self still watched it.
So, American Psycho is about a wealthy New York City banking executive who claims he looks like a regular person on the outside, but is super wrong on the inside. As he continues his day-to-day life his need for violence also increases, until it culminates in a killing spree and a police chase.
But is it real? Or is it fantasy?
The production values of American Psycho are great. I’ve got no problem with how it was executed: directing, editing, camera work, music, etc. All that is fantastic.
Thing is, I don’t think it’s a story worth telling. At least not on a Hollywood level.
A man has violent fantasies? About murdering and abusing women? And it’s supposed to be shocking?
Full offence, but even if we don’t look at, say, incels, or how much more violent certain categories of porn have become in the past twenty years, this still isn’t surprising. Look at the number of serial killers—look at the numbers of serial rapists—and you’ll see how many of them are men. Men who often raped or tortured women before murdering them. Even the author of the original novel, Bret Easton Ellis, felt defensive of criticism directed at his protagonist, Patrick Bateman, because these were thoughts and feelings Ellis had himself. I’m not saying all men are like this, but enough men are that almost every woman is scared to walk alone at night.
I did, however, enjoy the satirical elements, like the infamous business card scene.
But did it scare me?
Five people get on an elevator. One of them is the devil.
Yes, the literal devil.
The elevator breaks down. Tensions rise. Every time the lights go dark, the elevator riders find someone–or something–has inflicted violence upon them. It starts with wounds, and then, one by one, they start dying. From behind a security desk, a Catholic security guard and a cop who lost his wife and kid to a drunk driver watch. As the devil closes in on the final victim, will forgiveness of his sins save the man from hell?
Devil sucked. Decent concept if you ignore the religious element saving the day, but the storytelling sucked. The whole movie exists to serve one scene and that’s a mark of a bad story, folks. Additionally, for Devil to work and to actually have an element of suspense, we’d need to care about the people in the elevator and they’re not even billed with names. What we do learn about them is a big, sloppy waste of time.
But did it scare me?
No, but if executed better, I might’ve been sufficiently entertained.
See ya tomorrow night, folks!